Define....

(Got this mailed by a friend). I have read it somewhere before but this time I am posting it here:)

Divorce: Future tense of marriage.


Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.


Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.


Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.


Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.


Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.


Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.


Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.


Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.


Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.


Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.


Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.


Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.


Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.


Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.


Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.


Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.


Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.


Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.


Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."


Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.


Father: A banker provided by nature.


Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.


Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.


Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.


Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.