In one of our discussions in our recent class retreat, one of my classmates said that "sir" or "ma'am" is a form of respect. But I objected saying that that is probably not true!
In our Kalanguya culture, we do not have the above words to address someone. When they say it is a form of respect, I might agree that it is a bit true, but most often, it is a culture passed on to the Filipinos by the country that colonized (us)them. I have observed that the people addressed with sir are treated with "reverence" and not just mere respect. In my observation, when one dresses shabbily, the word sir or ma'am is not usually addressed to that person (some of you might have experienced this).
My culture does not have these often-used/over-used "superficial" words for a form of respect. Ours is done in action rather than with spoken words.
If it is a word for respect, (and which the elderly probably needs to be addressed with) why are they not addressed with such words even if they are poor, not educated or not rich? Oftentimes (not always), it is a form of discrimination rather than respect in many respects. Di ba? :)
In my experience, there were instances when the security officer or a saleslady in a store would say ma'am to my wife (being white), but act as if I were not visible enough:) (Ganon ba talaga sa mga maitim na tulad ko:)). Recently, we went to sing in a farewell party. My wife was taking photo when one of the Indonesian guy ask who was her. Prior to that, we were just conversing like we were friends. When I said, "...my wife...," he started to address me sir but I told him you do not need to say "sir" (apay kasdiay ngay?:). It is fun, though, because you get to know people's thinking by the way they respond. My wife told me, though, that addressing someone sir or ma'am in her culture can be offensive unless it is addressed to a stranger and you need to get his/her attention.
Thus, it is good to dig deeper into the culture we have been acquainted to, critically assess them and draw the line. Am I sure what I practice has no underlying reason/s?
Hi,
ReplyDeleteVery good point. Oo nga ano, if it is a sign of respect eh di we should all use it to address each other. I believe you are right in saying that it is a cultural imposition.
My former boss, an American, used to address taxi drivers or people he doesn't know as "Sir" or "Ma'am". I found it odd. But I think he does it to catch their attention as your wife explained.
Thanks for visiting my blog, by the way :-)
I have visited your blog a number of times already. I happened to have not leave comments. It is worth visiting. I am very glad that there a number of Igorots like you (that includes me:) who are proud of their root. Kaya, kung minsan, I am a bit offended when someone would question kung Kalanguya o Igorot nga ba ako.
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting my blog too. Who knows, we might bump each other in one of the malls and would say, "Ikaw pala yun!"
I am posting this comment I received via email.
ReplyDeleteRegarding the "Sir" or "Ma'am" being sometimes offensive in your wife's culture, you both should be aware that it all depends on what part of the U.S. you're talking about. In the southern U.S. children are strictly trained to address adults as "Sir" or "Ma'am." We learned this while living in Dallas, TX, shortly after we were married. While we were serving with SIL in Lomalinda, Colombia, we had children from the south who addressed their teacher as "Ma'am," and were sternly reprimanded for it by the teacher who was from a more northern state and did not understand the southern culture. So even within a country such as the U.S., there are many cultural differences to be aware of as you travel from one region to another.
so this is your blog... my apologies. due to time constraints lately, i haven't been able to blog hop- something which i always do. i've been puzzling on how to open your blog, using your display name but somehow, nothing came out. i actually started scrolling on the names of the different missionaries but soon realized that it wasn't the proper mode of searching, what with the number of missionary bloggers i had to search on!... haba-habang explanation nun:-) anyway, here it is.
ReplyDeletenow regarding that 'sir' which i used to address you, rest assured that it was done in good faith, with no malice intended whatsoever.
pure respect, it was. and i might actually have been in awe, realizing that the person who was commenting is a missionary. i am one of those who respect the kind of work that you do, putting to disregard whatever belief i personally subscribe to. although, i also happen to believe in peaceful co-existence.
i also agree that some words, ostensibly uttered to signify respect, are misused. i, for one, wasn't raised to say manong or manang, but this doesn't mean anything about the respect i have for a person, or about that person's respectability, when i address him simply with his name. it's how i deal with him that my true sentiments will show.
ooops for now. that was a longish comment i made, some of which probably, properly belong to the later post you made.:-) anyway, again, i'm sorry.
Hey pagano:)
ReplyDeleteno worries! nothing to sorry about. ifeel what you meant:)i think I enjoy reading comments more than the article I write:) it is good to interact with others. yea, I agree with you. we too were not raised with "manong" or "manang" until we came down to the low land. sometimes, i just feel bad because we would be accused of disrespectful if we do not use a word after a statement WHICH IS OF COURSE NOT TRUE:) it is just that we do not say that much but have it by heart. i wish cultural respect is always there than being ethnocentric. again, thank you for dropping by "gait." Halamat!
Hmm.. I think in Philippine context, people automatically choose who to say 'Maam' or 'Sir' to because it is not a title that you can assign to everybody. It is a sign of respect but only to people whom you consider as above you; i.e. security guards to customer, saleslady to customer, employee to boss, etc. In a way, it is putting people into categories but that's how it works.
ReplyDeleteMy family group mentor here in Singapore (a lecturer at the college) told me she was uncomfortable by my addressing her as 'Maam', and in playful revenge started to call me 'Madam'. It was so embarrassing, not only because of the mentality of 'Sir/Maam' that we have, but also because it left me at a loss on how I should call her. Thankfully, she asked me to call her by Mrs., plus her surname. Problem solved, but I still couldn't stop myself from saying Maam to her when we meet. Hehehe...
totoo kayo! dito sa pinas pag nakatsinelas akong punta sa palengke, ang tawag sa'kin "ALE" di kaya ay 'manang' kahit na mas madami pang gatla sa noo yung tindera kesa sa'kin. Pero pag nakapustura ka at mukhang makapal ang wallet mo, alla sige, ma'am ken sir amin nga obet nga kuna dagiti kabsat ang Illoko nga kuna mi. :)
ReplyDelete